The Read Option: What Jeff Houghton has noticed about the NCAA Tournament

I've noticed that assuming that Charles Barkley can deliver a funny line in a commercial is like assuming that Louis CK can get a triple-double in a game.

I've noticed that when I'm watching the tournament, I follow an important rule, cheer for the school that has a man's name and not the name of a state. Also, don't cheer for teams that claim to be a state but aren't.

I've noticed that Kentucky may just win the tourney with a team made up of mostly freshmen, or as they're known in Kentucky, doctorate students.

I've noticed that no, calling Buffalo Wild Wings "B-dubs" is not going to catch on. No one has ever said the sentence, "I can't wait to go to B-dubs" for two reasons.

I've noticed that I am a great, attentive father for 51 weekends out of the year.

I've noticed that Rick Pitino looks like a cross between a grown up Eddie Munster and a woman named Barbara.

I've noticed that Utah plays the Duke Blue Devils this week, which is the same nickname the citizens of Utah have for Democrats.

I've noticed that there is no way the guy in the Axe Body Spray commercial has the rugged beard of a longshoreman and the bare chest of a baby boy. I spend most of that commercial looking for chest hair follicles.

I've noticed that the NCAA is a fair and just organization solely interested in the betterment of student-athletes. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, just kidding.

Jeff Houghton is the host of The Mystery Hour, airing Saturday nights at 9 p.m. on FOX 5